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Callers

Today I’m going to have a good day

Today I’m going to have a good day

Today I’m going to have a good day

 

I repeat it three times before I open my eyes

Everyday

Started with lies

 

The pain consumes my soul

What’s left of who I was

The callers come every day, asking for different pieces

Each caller takes a little part of me

Nothing given in return

 

Today I’m going to have a good day

Today I’m going to have a good day

Today I’m going to have a good day

 

I yell these words over and over in my head

Willing them to be true

 

I beg the callers

“Please, do not come

I need my soul

This body can’t handle

What you have done.”

The callers never listen

Coming for what is due

 

Piece by piece

Part by part

The callers take their bit

I am a broken body

My soul, not much is left

 

The smallest of tasks are hard to fulfill

{Tying my shoes}

{Putting on my shirt}

I took these simplicities for granted

When I was not ill

 

Fatigue

Torment

Head to feet

I want the old me back

The one the world still sees

That person is gone forever

This is the new me

 

Today I didn’t have a good day.

 

 

Insecure 

The ones that trail off your lips.

Her Smile.

Her Hair.

Are you ever insecure, of the past?One that you’ve never seen? 

Could it bite you in the ass? 

The thoughts in the night. 

The ones of. 
          Her. 
The ones that trail off your lips. 

          Her Smile. 

          Her Hair.

It makes me think. 

Is that what you want¿
Should I aspire to be more. 

To allude to she¿

She had that essence. 

You know, the one that everyone aspires to have,

It says, says oh, look at me.
She doesn’t try hard, or does she? Appearances, who know, they confuse me.

My heart says you love me. But it also says.

There was one that, got away.
The one with, the dark hair, she floated, her daughter pulled you astray.
She had that, je ne sais quoi.

You know, that pull you in, beauty.

Physique that, pulls you in. 
Do you love me? I know you do. 

The question is…

Do I love me, do I think of you? 

Do I think of you? 

Do I think of you, with the girl.
With the girl that didn’t have it all. 

The one you wanted to save.

You didn’t want to let, let the daughter fall.
Can you forget that piece, the piece of your heart?

These broken pieces, these are. 

The others ones, they makes me.
Have comfort.

I need comfort but not forever.

This love is great. 

But it’s not clever. 

I need a love that pulls my strings. 

But this love I have. 

All it does, is please.

A Loveless World

Do you take the time to see a soul

Or just a shell, not a whole

You pass people on the street

Not making contact, staring at your feet


The world around us, taught us to judge

On looks, appearance, not give love

But humans need love, I know we do

We need happiness, affection

So give a passing smile or two


Say hello to your neighbor

Don’t judge on just skin

Do you know their story?

Do you know what’s within?


It’s a sad reality, the one that we have

A loveless world, no compassion to be had

I implore you to try, try to see

The world has much to give, there is much to see


People can be kind, if you offer a hand

Make that first step, put faith in man

If we all come together, there will be changes

Earth will be, the happiest of places

Living in Fantasyland

Open your fucking eyes

Story-time, every evening in this glim reality

Or is it fantasyland that I see

My head hits the pillow and it feels like I crashed into a thousand needles

I desperately try to fight this world I live in

Escape my own brain

 

How can something so nonexistent cause so much turmoil

Tossing and turning throughout the night afraid to shut my lids

I fear the dreams about to come

For it will never be lived

 

Close my eyes

Are you there?

Can you feel me?

My heart reaching for yours

I’m afraid to say your name

For fear of wanting more

 

You invade my mind

Shooting, a rocket into space

The thoughts, they dance

Like a child in the rain

Vivid imagines of what could have been

I think I’ve gone insane

 

I Close my eyes just to ask

Are you there?

Can you feel me?

My heart plays a trick, I can see you so clear

I see blue eyes, blonde hair

But this, it’s what I fear

 

Your skin so warm next to me

Entangled in the mess of sheets

A simple touch sends electricity bolts

Is this passion or fear

 

Hands engulfed in a sea of hair

Pulling you in closer

Breathing you in

I don’t want to let go

I think you are my oxygen after I inhaled CO

 

Wait, stop

This is just a dream

Snap out of it I say

It’s going to cause a scene

Get on with your life

These pictures are not real

That time has come and gone

 

Go back to reality

Open your fucking eyes

Why can’t you see

You already have blue skies

The sun is shining, that’s what someone said

You have everything you need

 

But I don’t I scream

With the voice inside my head

If my needs were met

An invisible man wouldn’t be in my bed

Breathe

Brave & Reckless

I can feel your heartache

In the shape of your words

The sound of your voice

The very breath you exhale

It is an invisible weight

That holds you close to the ground

I can feel your heartache

I see that you are

Nearing the end of yourself

I want to reach across the miles

And enfold you in my arms

Rest your head

On my shoulder

Stroke your hair

While you weep

Keep you safe

While you break

Lend you my strength

As our tears intermingle

Saline pearls

I can feel your heartache

It is piercing

And beautiful

And terrifying

Picture my hand on your heart

My voice whispering in your ear

Reminding you that I am near

All you have to do is breathe

© 2017 Christine Elizabeth Ray – All rights Reserved

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Own the Fall.

the Periodic Writer

Why do you teeter between weakness and strength?
Your worth is not defined by another’s grace.

The view on the way could feature a dream state,
but the wake of the wind reveals risk of day.

Never wait for the cliffs to decide your fate.
If you choose to fall, find your wings on the way.

View original post

H

There is no white light

sold my soul to the devil
thought i would have a chance
played with fire
it burned by hands

everything i touch
turns into flame
heart
permanent crutch
life
always the same

it was a deal
i couldn’t resist
i thought i was buying
true happiness

heart and mind
nonstop war
day in, day out
i’ve been cursed
once more

the demons are calling
they want me to come back
my heart is in a cage
my soul
turned to black

i gave it away
to alleviate pain
the voices
angry
screaming all at once

should have listened to them
voices inside and out
don’t mess with the devil
not a good route

the devil, he laughed
shook his head, smiled
“don’t look back”
grabbed me by the hand
lead me through the tunnel
dark and black

there is no white light
can no longer see
friends voices are gone
H
the devil
took my life from me

Lancôme Teint Idole Ultra Wear

So this is my first stab at a beauty review. I have always loved makeup and all that it entails; applying to myself and others, buying, researching and learning about products. I am not a guru by any means but my collection would tell you otherwise. If collecting makeup was a sport, I would be in the Olympics (not the Summer Olympics, straight up Winter.) I love to try to new looks and sometimes that ends fabulous and sometimes I end up looking like a 5 year old who got into their Mom’s makeup. I just embrace the challenge that comes along.

I have a very difficult time finding foundation that matches my skin tone because I am so fair. My skin looks like it has pink undertones but when foundation is applied it makes my skin look yellow. When I explain this to consultants at Sephora or Ulta they never believe me and always have to test it out for themselves. What do I always end up buying? Not the neutral. Not the yellow undertones. You guessed it, foundation for pink undertones. Anyhow, I like to mix up what I wear for different occasions so I usually have quite a few different foundations on hand at any given time.

I just picked up Lancôme’s Teint Idole Ultra Wear. Let me tell you something, I had high hopes for this foundation because I really enjoyed what I was previously using. My goal when buying Lancôme’s Teint Idole Ultra Wear was to have something for my light days for work. I take the VRE to work and have about a half mile walk everyday once I get off the train. If you don’t know, VA summers are like living in Satan’s Balls. It’s miserable, I feel like I melt every time I walk outside so I needed something that would last me all day and throughout the heat. I also sweat like a madman. I wanted a versatile foundation as well, something with build-able coverage for the days I want to have a stronger look. This foundation succeeded for the most part and it also has SPF 15 built into the coverage.

Previously for my light days I was used Urban Decay’s Naked Skin, which I was a fan of but I just wanted a changed and I like this so much more. The coverage can go from very light to medium build. I apply this foundation with a beauty blender sprayed with Urban Decay’s All Nighter Spray for a longer lasting and smoother finish. I have not yet tried applying with a brush or an oval brush yet. However, given how smooth the texture is I think it would apply just fine with any type of application.

I apply this foundation on top of a primer, depending on which one I feel like using that day. Today was the first day I really put it to the test against VA’s heat. It was 97 degrees and humid as hell. My hair look straight up like Curly Sue, but frizzy. I got home at the end of the day to take a look and much to my surprise it looked very similar to when I put it on in the morning! I was rather impressed.

The downfalls that I have found to this foundation thus far is that it gathers around my nose right by my nostrils and almost makes the corners look slightly oily (I do not normally have oily skin.) I have found that I can combat this with baking or loose powder on top. I have not tried using this foundation without a primer or a setting spray so I am not sure how it would hold up without those two products as well. When I got home from my day at work my face looked like I had been sweating all day but the makeup was still intact. The foundation was not clumpy, runny or any other makeup catastrophe you and I can think of. For how hot and humid it was I would say that it withstood that heat rather well.

The packaging of this foundation is also convenient. I has a nice bottle that allows you to see the color, a black pump top and a black cap; the bottle is square in shape.

I purchased this foundation from Ulta for $47.00, in my opinion it is slightly over priced for the length of the wear. I prefer buying my makeup at Ulta because I like their rewards system much better than Sephora. So, if Ulta has the product, I buy it there. I will gladly purchase this foundation again. I would give  Lancôme’s Teint Idole Ultra Wear 7/10.