Insecure 

The ones that trail off your lips.

Her Smile.

Her Hair.

Are you ever insecure, of the past?One that you’ve never seen? 

Could it bite you in the ass? 

The thoughts in the night. 

The ones of. 
          Her. 
The ones that trail off your lips. 

          Her Smile. 

          Her Hair.

It makes me think. 

Is that what you want¿
Should I aspire to be more. 

To allude to she¿

She had that essence. 

You know, the one that everyone aspires to have,

It says, says oh, look at me.
She doesn’t try hard, or does she? Appearances, who know, they confuse me.

My heart says you love me. But it also says.

There was one that, got away.
The one with, the dark hair, she floated, her daughter pulled you astray.
She had that, je ne sais quoi.

You know, that pull you in, beauty.

Physique that, pulls you in. 
Do you love me? I know you do. 

The question is…

Do I love me, do I think of you? 

Do I think of you? 

Do I think of you, with the girl.
With the girl that didn’t have it all. 

The one you wanted to save.

You didn’t want to let, let the daughter fall.
Can you forget that piece, the piece of your heart?

These broken pieces, these are. 

The others ones, they makes me.
Have comfort.

I need comfort but not forever.

This love is great. 

But it’s not clever. 

I need a love that pulls my strings. 

But this love I have. 

All it does, is please.

Living in Fantasyland

Open your fucking eyes

Story-time, every evening in this glim reality

Or is it fantasyland that I see

My head hits the pillow and it feels like I crashed into a thousand needles

I desperately try to fight this world I live in

Escape my own brain

 

How can something so nonexistent cause so much turmoil

Tossing and turning throughout the night afraid to shut my lids

I fear the dreams about to come

For it will never be lived

 

Close my eyes

Are you there?

Can you feel me?

My heart reaching for yours

I’m afraid to say your name

For fear of wanting more

 

You invade my mind

Shooting, a rocket into space

The thoughts, they dance

Like a child in the rain

Vivid imagines of what could have been

I think I’ve gone insane

 

I Close my eyes just to ask

Are you there?

Can you feel me?

My heart plays a trick, I can see you so clear

I see blue eyes, blonde hair

But this, it’s what I fear

 

Your skin so warm next to me

Entangled in the mess of sheets

A simple touch sends electricity bolts

Is this passion or fear

 

Hands engulfed in a sea of hair

Pulling you in closer

Breathing you in

I don’t want to let go

I think you are my oxygen after I inhaled CO

 

Wait, stop

This is just a dream

Snap out of it I say

It’s going to cause a scene

Get on with your life

These pictures are not real

That time has come and gone

 

Go back to reality

Open your fucking eyes

Why can’t you see

You already have blue skies

The sun is shining, that’s what someone said

You have everything you need

 

But I don’t I scream

With the voice inside my head

If my needs were met

An invisible man wouldn’t be in my bed

H

There is no white light

sold my soul to the devil
thought i would have a chance
played with fire
it burned by hands

everything i touch
turns into flame
heart
permanent crutch
life
always the same

it was a deal
i couldn’t resist
i thought i was buying
true happiness

heart and mind
nonstop war
day in, day out
i’ve been cursed
once more

the demons are calling
they want me to come back
my heart is in a cage
my soul
turned to black

i gave it away
to alleviate pain
the voices
angry
screaming all at once

should have listened to them
voices inside and out
don’t mess with the devil
not a good route

the devil, he laughed
shook his head, smiled
“don’t look back”
grabbed me by the hand
lead me through the tunnel
dark and black

there is no white light
can no longer see
friends voices are gone
H
the devil
took my life from me

Oceans

I see in slow motion

I see in slow motion
Valleys of darkness in front of my eyes
The color from the world has turned gray
No longer vibrant
Vast shades of greens and blue, no longer
I hear words in murmurs
I see others have excitement and I feel a void
An emptiness like that black plague sweeping over my body
Prepared to drown me in a sea of tidal waves

When did this happen?
How did this happen?

I am a shell of my former self
A zombie with a smile
I look the same
I still laugh
I lie in bed and see myself 
Laying there
Screaming on the inside

I look at you
Pleading with my eyes for help
Please stop
Give me what I need
Don’t you love me?

I'm sorry
I don’t give you what you need
Meet up to your expectations
You break me down
Build me up
Over and over
I can't breathe

You are my ocean
I swim inside of you everyday
Never breaking the surface
I can't quite reach the shore
It's just beyond my grasp
Just like happiness

Please stop
Give me what I need
Don’t you love me?

I love you
You are my ocean
I swim under water
I see in slow motion

 

Tomorrow

Let’s discuss this tomorrow

Let’s discuss this tomorrow

You said

Anxiety

My chest

Ringing

My ears

Week

Never ends

Car

Won’t start

Phone

Won’t ring

Flowers

Never bloom

Frigid

Winter frost

Brown grass

Sharp blades

Thoughts

Can’t escape

Let’s discuss this tomorrow

You said

Tomorrow never came

Tomorrow is the wind that whistles though the trees

I think it may be you

Tomorrow is looking across the street

Wondering if I’ll see your face

Tomorrow is the ping on my phone

Wondering if it’s you

Tomorrow is bad dream

I can’t escape

Tomorrow is fear

Never knowing

Tomorrow is stagnant

What ifs

Tomorrow is rethinking

Everything I’ve done

Tomorrow is questioning

Who am I?

Tomorrow is lost

Illusions of my mind

Let’s discuss this tomorrow

You said

Tomorrow is here

Gone